So I knew that it was bound to happen. That evil section of your mind laden with self doubt and uncertainty, paired with a considerable distance, it struck me hard today, homesickness. So I did what any sad and upset homesick person does when they need comfort, I rung my mum at 3am Aus time. Mum will always fix everything.
Although nothing has really changed, I’m still in England, my family and my friends, all of them, the healthy ones, the sick ones are millions of light years (well it seems like that far sometimes) away from me and there’s not a great deal I can do about that.
After talking to mum for a while and gaining some much needed comfort and a friendly voice to confide in, I went for a walk to get some dinner and do some more shopping (all these adult things I don’t know). As I was walking back to the place I was staying, I saw a few people stating on the side of the street on my walk back to the house. I stopped and spoke to one man who was near the shopping centre. He was probably no older than me and had resorted to sitting on the side of the street waiting for kind people to ‘spare him some change’.
At that point in time, I stopped and thought, how this young man, no older than me had ended up in this situation. And for whatever the reason he was there, why was there nobody helping him? Could he just call his mum when he was upset, lonely or scared? And if not, why was this the case? At that point, it was like I almost instantaneously snapped out of my little white girl ‘omg my life is so hard’ bit, and I just thought to myself, yeah, my family and friends aren’t here, yeah I feel alone, but that would not compare to them loneliness of someone who didn’t have anyone to turn to at all.
Now, I know that I am just making assumptions about this poor young man after all, but it made me really grateful to have a bed to sleep in tonight. A roof over my head. The means to buy food (even if is only basic rice and fruit kinda food until I get paid again). So after thinking all of this, i asked the man if he had eaten dinner yet, to which he replied ‘no’. I then proceeded to go back in to Tesco and buy him and sandwich and a drink. Not much I know, but I guess it was my little way of showing my thanks for all the support that I have around me and helping out someone that could have really used some of my help.
This whole experience has just made me appreciate being here. I’m sure that the missing everyone as much as I do right now will get easier soon. I guess I have always just felt like when I was at home, I was in control of situations. Whether it was people being sick, or needing my help I have just always been the kind of person that wants to be there, take action. I don’t like feeling so far away because sometimes it makes me feel so helpless. I know this will be hard, but also I’m sure it will be worth it. I guess sometimes just having a bad day for no particular reason is harder when you feel a million miles away from home, a million miles away from a hug.
So i know that I will still have hard days. It doesn’t mean that I am not appreciative of all the opportunities that I have, and the people that I have around me, I guess sometimes it’s easy to forget that even though it hurts to miss people, I am truly lucky to know that I have something that really makes saying goodbye hard. And that’s a lot more than a lot of people can say, unfortunately. But I hope that at least for that guy he can go to sleep tonight knowing that someone really does care, and I guess as humans, isn’t that all we really want to know; that there are people out there who care about us?