So I am coming to the end of my first week back living in Oxford and what a week it has been. Through calling an ambulance for a man who had a fall and getting my money stolen in the process, navigating living alone in a new country and being on the verge of starting a new job, it has been a great deal to get used to. Although I know that I have made the best decision, that decision hasn’t been without its doubts, the more frequent than not ‘omg what the hell am I actually doing’ phrase running through my mind makes me question this move quite a lot , but I know that I will be okay once I start at work and get settled back in to life here, then it is probably going to be hard to leave. It has been great to be able to Skype and message people lots this week, I think it is the only thing that is getting me through right now.
But I know that will change. Once I start my job, start seeing people again, making new friends and getting settled into my life here I will be okay. The time alone, while not always welcomed, gives me a chance to reassess my life, what I want, who I want in my life and how I want my future to be. I have learned in the last six months that I need to rely on no one but myself, not in a bad way, but it has just reopened my eyes to my own personal ability, my own strength that doesn’t come from anyone else. The fact that I can learn to be a bit more comfortable in my own skin, more comfortable in my own decisions. And while yes, I have left a great deal at home, that wasn’t done in a selfish way. I owe where I am today to all the people I have met and all those who have had an impact on my life, whether it be positive or negative. So thank you. To everyone who has helped and supported me, to everyone who has screwed me over. You are all part of the reason that I am here, sitting exactly where I am today. I am lucky to have the friends and family that I have, but I am also lucky to have the experience of crappy selfish people too. Without you, I wouldn’t have learned that I deserve better, I wouldn’t have learned that I can achieve anything that I put my mind to.
The only constant in your life will be change, how you adapt to that change will test your character, it will test your resilience, your strength and the way you handle yourself under pressure. Everything is always going to change, so enjoy the good while it lasts, but enjoy the bad times too, they can remind you that you are still alive and give you hope that things will always get better. Things are always going to get better. Even though you might not believe that at this very second (I certainly didn’t earlier this week) but things always have this funny way of just falling into place in the weirdest ways possible. So you can either give up, or hold your head high and tell yourself that things will get better, because they always will.
So my week one back in Oxford has been an eventful one. I expect the next few weeks to be quite similar too, but it is a test of my strength, my resilience. If I get through this, I can get through anything.